Okay, where to begin? Should I start with the fact that Momma urged me to just live with him first, not to immediately get married? But no, I couldn’t do that, it wouldn’t be right. Do we mention that we wanted a simple, beach wedding with maybe 50 people (if that!) but his mom really wanted us to get married at her church and was willing to foot the bill so we thought that was an okay idea?

Or do we start here, where I’m sitting in the living room of this friend of the mother-in-law-to-be who is just a whiz at silk flowers or something and, despite the fact that she and I have never talked about the wedding much less met she has already MADE my bouquet and started on the bridesmaid’s? Um, yeah. See, I found “the dress” back when we were still thinking beach wedding so went with one that was technically informal (no train, simple lines, etc). So when I say that the bouquet (a gianormous double spray monstrosity with trailing ivy and all) was wider than my dress I am not lying.

And it’s while we’re having this non-conversation that my ring decides to make a break for it. All of a sudden I’m sitting in this stifling room, over-stuffed with all sorts of knick-knacks and silk plants and muted lamps aplenty, and I hear this “pshh” sound of something dropping into my lap (which held a bag of birdseed rosebuds that the woman had already made). Too weird. So I take it back to the jeweler (it needed to be resized anyway) and when it comes back they had replated the white-gold sections of the 2-tone band with yellow. Take 3 and the ring was finally okay and we made it through the wedding.

But the wedding itself did not go off without a hitch. In fact, it came close to not happening at all. Another one of those signs? If you prospective mother-in-law changed your wedding colors to look like it’s a child’s birthday party soon to be visited by a singing dinosaur and you have the nerve to ask her about it when she calls to see if the caterer has arrived yet, don’t (?) be shocked when she calls you an “ungrateful little bitch” and hangs up on you. 2 hours before the wedding. Yeah. I should have cancelled it, but didn’t. Made for great pictures, though!